parenting books

How To Reset

Your child yells at you. They tell you that they hate you. Here’s how you can reset  ...


Also, a special shout out to Brene Brown for her incredible book, The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting. It’s so refreshing to read a parenting book rooted in whole hearted living that teaches us how to raise children without shame. 

It can be humbling to restart with our kids. To apologize after we have become angry. But, every time we are vulnerable in that way, we deepen our bond and demonstrate the power of owning our imperfections. 

Sending lots of love to all the overwhelmed parents out there. 

With Love,

Laura

How You Can Stop Yelling At Your Kids

Last month when you screamed at your kids you swore you would never do it again. Your throat was dry and irritated after. The shame you felt lasted ALL DAY LONG. 

You don’t want to yell. You hate that part of yourself as a parent. But no matter how much you say, “I won’t scream next time,” when next time comes, there you are yelling at that beautiful little kiddo of yours.

The reason you haven’t been able to stop screaming has nothing to do with being a “bad” or “good” parent. You simply haven’t had the right plan. 

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Here is where I can help. I used to scream, but it’s so rare that I reach that point anymore. Here is what has worked for me and what can work for you too.

Tool #1: Stop, Drop, and Breathe 

Remember in grade school when we would practice how to Stop, Drop, and Roll in case of a fire?! You need just as solid of a plan for the next time you feel like screaming.  

It isn’t enough to just hope that you won’t scream again. You need a strategy in place for the next time you feel like you are about to open your mouth and explode with anger.

Will you walk away and cool down in the bathroom?

If you are driving, will you pull the car over and wait until the anger subsides? 

Can you keep a calming book in your bag to read until you are grounded again?

Is there a funny term you can tell your children so they know you are angry and the special code means mommy or daddy need a break? Have fun with this one! Maybe the code is “flying squirrel” or “naked mole rat”?!

Can you Stop, Drop, and Breathe?

Create your Stop Screaming Plan now!

Tool #2: Plan Talk Time 

Oh man, I wanted to scold my kids for not picking up their toys when I had asked them FIVE MILLION TIMES.

Instead of yelling though, I went over to the white board where I keep Family Meeting Topics and wrote down the problem, “not picking up toys.” 

I knew that I would later have a chance to talk to my kids about the problem and that during that family meeting, we would brainstorm solutions to solve this problem. I didn’t need to yell because because I knew that we would have a constructive conversation later. 

Remember, not everything has to be done right now.

Tool #3: Dig Down Deep 

Maybe you didn’t feel heard as a child, so now when your child doesn’t listen, you feel like screaming?

Maybe you aren’t aware of what is developmentally appropriate for the age of your and by better understanding normal child behavior, you will feel less reactive to your child? 

Maybe your need for perfectionism is coming out onto your child and you are projecting perfectionism on them?

Or maybe you are so passive that your child is simply running wild in your home?

As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango.” By looking at our own part (sometimes with the help of a professional), we can defuse many power struggles.

And, above all else, keep working on your own sense of worthiness. You are enough. You are worthy. You are loved. The happier you are inside, the less screaming you will want to do.

If you are taking the time to read this post, Congratulations. You are obviously a thoughtful parent that wants to make some positive changes. Be easy on yourself. It takes time to form new habits. 

Make your plan now and print it out. Carry your Stop Screaming Plan with you everywhere you go and reference it the next time you feel like yelling?

Like these tips? Sign up for my monthly newsletter to get more tools that will bring your home from crazy to calm. 


Threenagers!

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Your threenager was at it again ... screaming, stomping, saying “I don’t wanna!” and “You can’t make me!”

Yes, I’ve been there too. 

Yes, this little beauty ️ had an epic cry hours before this picture was taken. 

Yes, I have learned some effective tools that really work. 

And, Heck Yes, they’ll work for you too! 

1. Connect - connect with your upset child. Offering a hug is a wonderful way to dispel the tantrum. 

No, it isn’t rewarding the behavior. The hug soothes the nerves and then allows you to correct or redirect the behavior after. 

Positive Discipline says to offer the hug 3 times and if they still don’t want one you can simply say, “come find me if you would like a hug.”  

2. Role Play during a calm time what your child can do the next time she is upset. Would she like to find a special calm down space in the house? Draw a picture? Listen to music? Role Playing options ahead of time can empower your child to find solutions the next time she is upset. 

3. Remember that, “this too shall pass.” Your little one may talk like she’s 17, but she is actually tiny and her prefrontal cortex isn’t developed. She is learning autonomy, which is normal for this age, so in times of insanity try to remember that this is all very normal and it won’t be like this forever. 

Like what you see here? Want some more tips? Subscribe to my newsletter at the bottom of the page!

How to Parent Mindfully

I remember when my sweet little three-year-old tried to hit me. I was stunned and heartbroken. ⠀

I worried that I had done something wrong to make him think hitting was okay. At the same time, I was really angry that he had hit me. ⠀

I know now, that it is developmentally appropriate for toddlers to hit when they are angry. I also learned how to navigate that behavior in a kind yet firm way so that the hitting stopped. ⠀

For me though, learning to redirect the behavior, was just the tip of the iceberg. ⠀

Underneath, was me taking a deeper look at my reactions to my children. Seeing my old patterns of behavior. Discovering how to bring awareness to the feelings that come from raising humans. ⠀

This is where mindfulness has come into my daily parenting. I have learned how to observe my children’s behavior without reacting to it (that doesn’t mean that I don’t guide them and set clear rules, but I react less to them pushing my buttons and more from a peaceful space). ⠀

Here are a few practices that I use to bring more mindfulness into my home. I hope you enjoy them and can use them too! ⠀

#1 - Meditation 🧘‍♀️ Meditate Daily - for a long time, I used the app Headspace to learn how meditate (and I still use it from time to time). There is no right or wrong way to meditate and there are many books and resources available to teach meditation, but I like headspace because it allows me to time myself (which I needed in the beginning) and offered a guided structure to the meditation. Now I meditate a few times each day, coming back to my breath and my body. ⠀

#2 - Awareness ☀️- When my children are bickering or my daughter is pouting, I try and pause before I react. I bring awareness to the situation - What feelings are coming up in me? Has my daughter had a long day at school? Do my kids need some outside time? What underlying behaviors could be a play here? ⠀

Bringing awareness gives me the gift of insight rather than simply reacting to the situation. I then have a better chance of getting to the root of the problems and staying more calm! ⠀

#3 - Equanimity 🌊 - I can bring equanimity to my home when I acknowledge that all thoughts and feelings are valid. I don’t have to judge my son’s anger, my own anxiety, or my daughter’s frustration. All of these feelings will come and go like waves rolling in the sea. As I bring acceptance and love to what is, I find that everything soon changes. I can help support my children with whatever feelings they are experiencing (just like I can be kind to myself for my own feelings). ⠀

To be honest, I don’t find all of this super easy. In fact, that is why I take the time to write these posts and share my experience with others. I have times where all of this goes out the window and I get mad with my children. Nevertheless, I try each day to implement these tools into my life. I find the more I share it with you, the easier it is to keep practicing myself. ⠀

So, thank you for reading my posts and for walking this path of mindful parenting with me. I hope you and your family make time for some extra giggles today. ⠀

XO,⠀

Laura ⠀

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Favorite Parenting Books

Favorite Parenting Books

There is a plethora of parenting resources available to us, which is wonderful, but can make it difficult to know which parenting books and websites are worth investing our time, energy, and money in. 

I have made a list of some of my favorite parenting recourses and listed them below. I have found them to be a great fit for our families values and beliefs around parenting - being kind yet firm, nurturing the whole child, allowing everyone in our home to have a voice, and bringing calm into our daily family activities.


Positive Disciplineby Dr. Jane Nelsen. 

There are a series of Positive Discipline books available based on your families needs and the ages of your children. A great book to start with is the Positive Discipline Book. 

“Inside you’ll discover how to:

• bridge communication gaps

• defuse power struggles

• avoid the dangers of praise

• enforce your message of love

• build on strengths, not weaknesses

• hold children accountable with their self-respect intact

• teach children not what to think but how to think

• win cooperation at home and at school

• meet the special challenge of teen misbehavior”

https://www.positivediscipline.com/products/positive-discipline-book

There is also a wonderful Positive Discipline blog that I reference often to answer my parenting questions - https://www.positivediscipline.com/blog

Here you can find how to approach common parenting problems such as back talk, how to follow through with children, and what to do when a child is acting out.


Siblings Without Rivalry: How to help your children live together so you can live tooby Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

If you are a parent, an educator, or simply want learn how to better your own interpersonal relationships, this is the book for you! 

I LOVE this book. I laughed, I cried, and I learned so very much about raising my two young children. 

Faber and Mazlish have several more books, but next on my list is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.

Check out their website - https://www.fabermazlish.com


Dr. Daniel J Siegel, M.D.

Dr. Daniel Siegel is brilliant at teaching the science of the brain to parents so that they can better understand their children’s developmental process. He has many books and I’ve enjoyed every book that I have read thus far. 

Dr. Daniel Siegel has a wonderful video that explains what happens to the brain when a child gets angry. I can’t recommend the video enough - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm9CIJ74Oxw

Siegel's website is also full of great parenting suggestions, a complete list of his books, and wonderful resources - http://www.drdansiegel.com/home/